No two words fill me with so much anguish as these two. It is the ultimate denial of the self, a surrender to a collective consiousness that refuses to acknowledge a persons individuality.Anyway- to begin at the beginning, this post was prompted following a conversation with a friendwho is currently visiting India from the US. At 34, after dating two or three women off and on, he finally consented to his mother finding somebody for him. Its too hard to meet someone interestingin the small town where I live, he said. I could understand it-aging parents, and his own age touching 35 soon, could have prompted this decision. I guess if you have experienced the magic of falling in love (and the subsequent falling out of it, for his case), an arranged marriage does not mean that you have not lived your life fully. But what if you never met someone special, never had a chance to know such a feeling ?I think then an arranged marriage is the end of all such dreams, its like giving up believing that you too deserve to experience life to the fullest.
Unlike my friend, my case is the latter. Till my late twenties, I was too shy to approach women for a dance. A significant part of it of course, was my Indian upbringing, those days having a girlfriend was not that common. Then I moved so much in different cities in the US- that it was hard finding friends.But I have never stopped trying. My sense of identity will always be at war with this Indian tradition. But India is changing- I feel so good to see the young couples from schools and colleges hanging out. I too hope I never have to go in for such a thing.
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